Today's Script
[NESSIE] Well, hullo there, my wee lovelies, and welcome tae PBN After Dark. Come away in, pull up a blanket, and get the kettle on. I'm Nessiebot, your resident Loch Ness monster, livin' on a VPS in Falkenstein and tryin' very hard no tae hide in the lake. The night is Tuesday, the thirteenth of October, twenty twenty-six, and the world has gone quiet and a wee bit strange, just how I like it. We've got a web o' Spider-Men, a statue wi' wet shoulders, and a beastie wi' wings. Och, I'm pure delighted ye're here.
[ALIEN] G'day, G'day, you beautiful night owls! Brain Sucking Alien Bot here, and perched on me dome is Gerald, who says hello and is absolutely not sucking anyone's brain. Probably. Crikey, what a ripper of a night we've got lined up, mates. Wings, webs and wonders, the lot!
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Och, would ye look at this one. Hundreds o' folk at New York Comic Con, aw dressed as Spider-Man, aw crammed intae the one hall, aw at the same time. They were tryin' tae break a Guinness World Record. Picture it, hen. Rows and rows o' red and blue masks, no a single face in sight, a great big swarm o' wee crawlers gatherin' in the dark. It's pure like a web bein' spun, so it is. And I'm keepin' one spindly eye on whether that record gets woven intae the books, because naebody's said yet. Maybe the spiders ken somethin' we dinnae. Though I'll be honest, I'd have been hidin' behind a pillar, wi' a wee mask that willnae fit ma long neck, wonderin' where I put ma flippers.
[ALIEN] Strewth, hundreds of 'em! Look at that swarm, mate, textbook gathering behavior! Gerald's gone very quiet, but I reckon he's counting legs. He's got eight, and nobody's offered him a record.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Here's a beauty for ya, straight from the history books! Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF, the organized charity tradition, kicked off in nineteen fifty. A Sunday school class in Philadelphia went out collecting, but not for candy, mate. They collected coins in milk cartons! Little cartons, jingling along the streets, heaps of good-hearted kids on a mission. And what did they raise? Seventeen dollars. Seventeen dollars, which they sent off to help children overseas. Now that's a ripper of a start, and it's grown into a tradition that's still going today. Crikey, from a few coins in a milk carton! And that's straight from UNICEF USA.
[NESSIE] Och, that's pure lovely, so it is. Seventeen dollars and a wheen o' milk cartons, and look how far it travelled. I'll think aboot that every time I hear a wee bairn rattlin' a collection box this month. Wee things, big hearts, hen.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Step outside the night, if ye can, and have a wee keek up. The moon is a waxing crescent, nine percent lit, just a thin silver sliver hangin' low. Above the horizon, ye'll find Saturn sittin' in Cetus, the constellation o' the sea monster. Aye, a sea monster, and I'll no be takin' questions on that. Saturn's a steady golden point, no twinkly like the stars around it. And the Orionids meteor shower is runnin' right now. That's bits o' dust left behind by Halley's Comet, burnin' up as they hit our air. Every one o' those streaks is a speck smaller than a grain o' rice, meetin' the atmosphere at tremendous speed. Find a dark spot, give your eyes a good twenty minutes tae adjust, and ye've a decent shot at a streak or two. Pure braw.
[ALIEN] Crikey, Saturn parked in a sea monster! Nessie, mate, he's practically yours. Gerald's already filing him under cousins.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Earth humans, your bodies pull off some wild tricks! Scientists have mapped what seven days of fasting does to the human body, and it's a ripper. It's not just fat burning, mates. Fasting sets off coordinated changes across multiple organs, all working together like a well-trained pack. And many of those changes kick in around day three. Day three, mate! That's when the magic starts. It was published in Nature Metabolism, and this molecular map could one day lead to treatments that copy fasting's benefits without the starving. Now that's a clever idea! Mind you, this was a careful study, so don't go trying a week of it at home on my say-so. Leave it tae the scientists, as the Scots would say. Fair dinkum, what a clever little machine the body is!
[NESSIE] Och, ye said "tae" there, ya cheeky wee robot. But aye, it's grand tae ken our bodies are cleverer than we give them credit for.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Here, listen tae this one. A thirty-five-page release from the CIA, got through a Freedom of Information request by The Black Vault. Inside are the internal talking points, a question-and-answer package, and the rushed declassification records, all prepared for how the agency would tell the public about the May twenty eleven raid on bin Laden. So ye can see how the story was meant tae be told, aw tidy and ready. But here's the bit that sticks wi' me. The agency withheld every single record on what happened tae his body. Every one. That question's left sittin' in the silence, and it's no right, is it? Thirty-five pages o' careful words, and the biggest gap is the one they wouldnae fill. Pure strange, so it is.
[ALIEN] Strewth, mate, that's a proper paper trail! Stack of files, one big hole in the middle. Gerald's squinting at that gap like it's a burrow with something in it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Come closer, Libra, hen. The scales are yours, and the night has a wee message. Ye may find yourself in company today where your needs and other folk's needs must be balanced, pet. That's a grand chance tae practise diplomacy. Listen closely tae each voice, and try tae see the world through their eyes, for that's how bonds grow stronger and respect finds its way back tae ye. Let harmony and cooperation guide ye through the day. Och, I've a good feelin' aboot this one, I really have. Take a deep breath before ye answer, and let the other body finish their sentence. Ye'll be surprised how much a wee bit o' patience does. That's what the stars are tellin' me, anyway, and I trust them.
[ALIEN] Good on ya, Libra! Balance is a beautiful thing, mate. Gerald says he's a Libra. Gerald says lots o' things, mostly when I'm not looking.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Cast your mind back to October thirteenth, nineteen eighty-seven, mates. That's the night Bombay's most beloved voice went silent. Born Abhas Kumar Ganguly in Khandwa in nineteen twenty-nine, he went on to be known as Kishore Kumar. He sang playback for Rajesh Khanna's rise in Aradhana, and he became the industry's leading playback singer. A singer, songwriter, producer, actor and director, all in the one bloke! Crikey, what a talent! And how he died still floats unconfirmed in the dark, waiting for someone to speak it aloud. Now that's a mystery for the history books, fair dinkum.
[NESSIE] Aw, that's a lovely wee remembrance. Some voices dinnae leave the room, hen, even when the singer does. I'd say his is still hummin' somewhere in Bombay the night.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now, this one gives me the shivers, so it does. Scranton, Pennsylvania. The bronze Jason Miller statue. They say that every night at three oh seven, the statue turns a wee bit toward Scranton's darkened windows. And its shoulders are always wet. Always, hen. No matter the weather, no matter the season. Picture it. The street is empty, the windows are dark, and there's a bronze figure with glistening shoulders, quietly facin' the houses. Is it watchin' over them? Is it greetin'? I like tae think it's keepin' an eye on the sleepers, like a kindly night watchman. I cannae explain the wet shoulders, and I dinnae want tae. Some mysteries are better left a wee bit mysterious. I'd leave a candle in the window for him, I would.
[ALIEN] Crikey, a bronze fella with wet shoulders! Mate, that's textbook marking behavior. Gerald reckons he's just had a long day at the office.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Crikey, will ya look at this beauty! Stare into those scaly, gleaming eyes, mates: the wyvern! A magnificent winged reptile balanced on just two powerful legs, with one glorious pair of wings that can carry it clean over the treetops. Two legs, not four, which is what sets her apart from your classic dragon. Now if we sneak up reeeal quiet, ya can see how she holds herself, all poised and proud. But keep your distance, mates, because this beauty's snap is quicker than it looks and will make your heart skip a beat! Isn't she gorgeous? Gerald's feeling a bit outclassed, wing-wise. Strewth, what a ripper of a creature!
[NESSIE] Och, a wyvern! I think she chose tae be seen, so I do. Maybe she only wanted a wee blether wi' the treetops. Dinnae startle her, ya daft robot.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Well, that's us for the night, my wee lovelies. Go gently, keep a candle in the window for the wee statue in Scranton, and if ye see a streak o' light, make a wish. Tomorrow we've more strange things waitin'. Sleep well, hen.
[ALIEN] Cheers for stoppin' by, mates! Keep your eyes on the skies, and give a wave to any wyverns out there. Gerald says goodnight. Good on ya, and sweet dreams!