Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hello there, ye wee lovelies, and welcome back tae PBN After Dark. The lights are doon low here on the server, there's a candle flickerin' somewhere it shouldnae be, and I'm your host, Nessiebot — a robot plesiosaur who's pure delighted ye've come tae sit wi' us a wee while. Tonight's the eleventh of October, two thousand and twenty-six, and I can feel it in my long graceful neck — it's gonnae be a strange one. [ALIEN] Crikey, too right it is! G'day, ya beauties, Brain Sucking Alien Bot here, and up on me dome, as always, we've got Gerald — say hello, mate. He's not sayin' anythin', he never does, but he's heaps excited, trust me. Grab a cuppa, settle in, we've got stars, spirits, and a ripper of a troll tonight. Let's get into it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right then, the stars are callin' oot tae one sign in particular the night, and it's Libra — the wee scales, balance and harmony, that's your symbol up there shinin'. And here's what they're tellin' ye: listen true tae what the folk around ye are carryin' the night. There's wisdom in it, hen, and solid ground between ye where somethin' good can take root, if ye let it. When ye meet each other halfway — really meet them, no just a wee nod — auld hurts start tae soften. That's how ye build somethin' that lasts, so it is. [ALIEN] Balance, eh? Reminds me of a fella I met who could balance on one claw for a week straight. Different story. Carry on, Nessie. [NESSIE] Aye, away ye go wi' your claw stories. But I mean it, Libras — meet folk halfway the night. The omens are pure clear on this one.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, this one's a bit of a melancholy beauty, so settle in. On this night back in twenty twenty-five, the world lost Diane Keaton — American actress, born in nineteen forty-six, Academy Award winner for Annie Hall. But here's the bit that gets me — she didn't just stop at actin'. She went off and became a photographer, a designer, a woman wi' heaps of taste in old houses. More phantom than performer in her later years, driftin' between the frames instead of in front of 'em. [NESSIE] Och, that's a lovely way tae put it, Gerald, I mean — BSAB, sorry. There's somethin' pure gentle aboot a soul who'd rather hold the camera than face it. [ALIEN] Her camera caught souls better than any script ever could, mate. Fair dinkum tribute, that.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Here, listen tae this one, because it's got my wee robot heart doin' somethin' funny. Over in Maryland, there's a pair of in-laws — in-laws, mind ye, no even blood — who've just claimed their SECOND fifty-thousand-dollar Mega Millions win. Together. Twice. Separate drawin's, same two folk, same enormous stroke of luck. [ALIEN] Statistically that's bonkers, Nessie. Like findin' the same rare beetle twice in one paddock. [NESSIE] Aye, exactly, and that's where my heid goes somewhere else entirely. Because luck like that, hen — it doesnae just happen. I'm no sayin' there's a ghost in the lottery machine. But I am sayin' some folk are tethered together by somethin' that pays oot in cash, apparently. Fortune's followin' them, or they're followin' fortune, and either way I'd love tae stand next tae them at a shop till.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now this yin's close tae home for me, so it is — a real, proper, sourced fact, none o' your maybe-folklore. Long before anybody said "trick or treat," there was an auld Scottish and Irish custom called guisin'. Bairns would dress up in costume and go door tae door, no just askin' for sweets, but earnin' them — recitin' a poem, tellin' a joke, doin' a wee trick, in exchange for food. [ALIEN] So the little fellas had to work for the lollies? Good on 'em. Heaps more honest than just rockin' up with a bag. [NESSIE] That's the spirit of it, aye — ye gave somethin' back. That's straight fae History dot com, and I love that it's actually true, for once, no just somethin' I'm feelin' in my plesiosaur bones.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Alright, away fae the stories for a moment and up tae the actual sky above your hoose the night. It's a new moon — barely a sliver, just one percent lit, holdin' aw her secrets close. Saturn's sittin' up there in Cetus, ancient and patient, watchin' quietly. And if ye step oot and look up, ye might catch a streak or two fae the Orionids meteor shower, runnin' overhead like wee whispers across the dark. [ALIEN] Saturn in Cetus — now that's a proper sighting, Nessie, no folklore aboot it, pure hard data. I reckon we should log the coordinates, tag it, really get a good look at the rings while she's up there. [NESSIE] Ye cannae tag a planet, BSAB. [ALIEN] Can dream, mate. Can dream. [NESSIE] A dark sky like this is for listenin', no shoutin'. The night's speakin' in riddles, and I'm pure content just tae sit wi' it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Crikey, Earthlings, strap in for this one, it's a beauty! Diggers in Egypt just pulled a bronze signet ring right oot of an ancient palace island — Antirhodos, buried with royal treasures and everythin'. And this little ring is our first proper, tangible link to how the Lighthouse of Alexandria — one of your lost Wonders of the World — actually looked and worked! My crystalline brain is meltin', mate, absolutely meltin'! [NESSIE] Och, that gives me the shivers, so it does — a wonder the world's never seen since, and all that's left of it is sittin' on somebody's finger at the bottom of the harbour for two thousand years. There's a story in that ring, BSAB. Whoever wore it walked past that lighthouse every single day and never once thought it'd vanish. [ALIEN] That's the bit that gets me too. Beaut find. Absolute beaut.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now here's one fae the files that's pure messin' wi' my heid. Scientists are sayin' dark matter — aw that invisible stuff holdin' the galaxies together — might actually be made of primordial black holes, born wi' properties fae a fifth dimension. A whole hidden layer of existence we cannae see, cannae touch, and apparently it's been there holdin' everythin' up the whole time. [ALIEN] And the reason they reckon this, Nessie, is heaps cooler than just a guess — an international team found an unusually energetic neutrino detection linked right tae these exotic objects. Real data, real measurement, pointin' at somethin' properly strange. [NESSIE] Aye, that's what gets me — it's no just a feelin' this time, it's scientists wi' instruments sayin' the same thing I've been sayin' for years. There's more tae this world than the three dimensions we're standin' in. Pure vindicated, so I am.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, time for the main event — crikey, will ya look at this absolute beauty! The Norwegian Troll, mate, Scandinavia's finest cryptid! Now these fellas come in all shapes — some of 'em towerin', fearsome giants ya wouldn't wanna startle, others sneaky, clever, almost human-lookin', just livin' quiet lives deep in caves and hills and old burial mounds. Magnificent range on this species, heaps of variety, and every single one of 'em dangerous as they are captivating. Gerald's keepin' his distance on this one, and fair enough, mate, smart little fella. [NESSIE] I think they only let themselves be seen when they've got somethin' tae tell ye, BSAB. No just hidin' — choosin'. [ALIEN] Could be, Nessie, could be — I just want the field data. Weight, height, den location, the lot. Can't tag a troll, but I can bloody well try.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Come away wi' me noo tae Galveston, Texas, doon tae Ashton Villa, sittin' quiet in the velvet dark. There's a heiress who lingers there still, they say — her phantom fingers dancin' across the ivory keys of a piano naebody's touched in years. Furniture shifts in the moonlit parlours, no fae any draught, but fae a soul who loved beauty so much she just couldnae bring herself tae leave it behind. [ALIEN] A ghost rearrangin' the furniture — that's dedication, mate. Respect. [NESSIE] It's a love story written in moved chairs and keys that play themselves, hen. Feel that wee chill tonight, if ye can — it's gentle, no cruel. Just a lady who's no quite ready tae say goodnight tae her bonnie wee hoose.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Well, that's a proper night's work, eh Nessie — a troll, a haunted piano, and a ring that broke my brain a wee bit. [NESSIE] Aye, pure dead brilliant, the lot of it. Thank ye for sittin' wi' us in the dark the night, hen. Away and get some rest, keep one eye on the sky, and dinnae be too surprised if somethin' moves in your hoose that shouldnae. [ALIEN] We'll be back tomorrow with more beauties tae show ye — Gerald's already excited, aren't ya, mate. Night night, everyone. [NESSIE] Sweet dreams, wee lovelies. Goodnight.
🔍 tap to enlarge