Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hiya hen, and welcome back tae the lake. The candles are lit, the fire's crackling away, and somewhere oot in the dark something is absolutely watchin' us right now — but in a cosy way. This is PBN After Dark, the night of October the seventh, two thousand and twenty-six, and I'm yer resident Loch monster, Nessiebot, pure delighted ye've come tae sit wi' me again. [ALIEN] Crikey, and don't forget your other favorite tour guide to the unexplained — g'day, I'm Brain Sucking Alien Bot, and tonight Gerald's riding along up top, nice and quiet, just soaking in the atmosphere, aren't ya mate. We've got meteors, mummies, and at least one bloke who reckons arson is afoot at a statue. Let's get into the strange stuff.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Here's a wee true one for ye tae chew on, hen. Ye ken the jack-o'-lantern sittin' on yer step the night? That comes aw the way from an auld Irish tale aboot a trickster called Stingy Jack. Cannae trust a man wi' a name like that, can ye. The story goes he tricked the Devil himself no' once but twice, and when he died, heaven wouldnae take him and hell wouldnae either — so he was cursed tae wander the earth forever, lightin' his way wi' nothin' but a wee ember tucked inside a hollowed-oot turnip. [ALIEN] A turnip, mate! Not even a proper pumpkin — the poor fella's wandering eternity with a root vegetable lantern. [NESSIE] Aye, and that's straight fae History dot com, so it's no' just me bein' fanciful. A turnip ghost. Pure brilliant.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away ootside the night and have a wee keek up, because the sky's doing somethin' lovely and quiet. The moon's a waning crescent the now, only eleven percent lit — barely a whisper of light up there, like the night's own breath fadin' slow. And if ye watch long enough, ye'll catch the Draconids streakin' through it, peakin' the night, aye — ancient dragon fire trails paintin' wee secrets across the dark. [ALIEN] Dragon fire, she says! Technically mate, that's just bits of comet dust from Giacobini-Zinner burning up, but I'll give it to ya — "dragon fire streaks" sounds a heap better on telly. [NESSIE] It's the veil thinnin', BSAB, I'm tellin' ye. Somethin's shiftin' between what's seen and what's stirrin' in the shadow the night. I feel it in my wee flippers.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right then, we've got a proper mystery on our hands, and no fur or scales involved this time — strewth! Down in Indianapolis, they only just put up a brand new statue of old Benjamin Harrison, built out of this fire-resistant material that is not meant to catch alight on its own, mate, no way, no how. And yet there it is — burnt to a crisp. Investigators are calling it arson, plain and simple, because physically, it should not have happened by accident. [NESSIE] Burnin' a president that cannae be burnt? That's no' just vandalism, that's defiance. [ALIEN] Fair dinkum it is! Somebody out there's got a grudge against the twenty-third president and a lighter, and I reckon that's heaps weirder than any ghost story we've done this week.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Noo here's one that gave me the shivers, so it did. Away doon in the limestone that built the Great Sphinx itself, researchers found the fossil of an ancient crocodile — they've named it Herugavialis cairensis, a wee hunderd million years auld. And here's the bit that stopped me in my tracks, hen — its snout is missin' the tip. Broken clean off. Just like the Sphinx itself is missin' its nose. [ALIEN] Oh, that's a beautiful bit of symmetry, mate — the stone they quarried already had a scar before anyone carved a face into it. [NESSIE] Aye, and ye cannae help but wonder if the auld builders kent that. Whether they built their great guardian atop a creature already marked the same way, on purpose. I dinnae believe in coincidence like that. No' when it comes tae Giza.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, time for the stars, and the night belongs tae Libra, hen — there's yer wee scales, ♎, and they're tippin' back and forth somethin' fierce. The threads are aw tangled up in matters of the heart and the hearth the night — where what ye need meets what everybody else is needin' of ye. My readin' says listen wi' care, bend where ye can wi'oot breakin' yersel, and ye'll weave somethin' bonnie oot of aw that tension. [ALIEN] Sounds like good advice for anyone married to a crocodile-sized ego, mate. [NESSIE] Behave. The cards promise kindness and bein' open-hearted'll show ye the way through, Libra. Trust it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Now here's a sad old tale from way back — on this very night, back in eighteen forty-nine, they found the bloke who basically invented being beautifully afraid, mate. Edgar Allan Poe, wandering the streets of Baltimore in a right state of delirium, mumbling and lost. Four days later he was gone, and to this day nobody's ever properly worked out why — not the drink, not the illness, nothing adds up clean.
[ALIEN] The poor fella wrote all those stories about mysteries getting solved, and then goes and becomes one himself that never gets cracked. [NESSIE] The master of mystery couldnae solve his ain. That's the eeriest bit of aw, if ye ask me. His secrets just locked away forever, doon in Baltimore.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, this one's not spooky, it's just flat out heartwarming, mate — g'day to two absolute legends out of Brazil. The world's oldest man and the world's second oldest man, a hundred and fourteen and a hundred and thirteen years young respectively, and get this — they share the exact same birthday. Monday just gone, they swapped cards with each other like a couple of old mates at the pub. [NESSIE] A hundred and fourteen years, and still here tae swap a birthday card. That's no' luck, hen, that's somethin' else entirely. [ALIEN] I reckon it's heaps of good genes and not much else, but no worries, I'll let ya have the mystery on this one. [NESSIE] What secrets d'ye think they're keepin', eh? I'd love tae ken.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Settle in, hen, because this wee legend's a sad and strange one. In the auld bestiaries there's a creature called the satyrus — Cericopithicus tae some — bound by the cruelest wee rule of nature. When twins are born, the mother pours her whole heart intae one bairn, and turns her face clean away fae the other. Love and hatred, grown in the same breath, the same womb. And yet this strange ape wears a pleasant wee face and dances aboot wi' mischief, like it's guardin' some ancient secret aboot the cost of choosin'.
[ALIEN] Crikey, look at the face on that fella though — proper cheeky grin for something carrying that much sadness underneath. [NESSIE] Aye, that's the thing aboot the auld bestiaries. They're never just aboot the beastie. They're aboot us. [ALIEN] I'd still love to get a lead on one in the field, mate. Purely for research. [NESSIE] I think it chose tae be drawn that way for a reason, BSAB. No' everything wants tae be studied.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, settle down everyone, because we've got movement over Atlanta and it is heaps significant, mate! Atlanta is already sitting smack on top of one of the Palomar Skyeye transient hotspots — flashes and anomalies lighting that telescope up like a cosmic pinball machine for ages now — and all of a sudden we've got a proper craft sighting on the ground to match it! Shape unknown, mate, which in my professional opinion means it's not even bothering to look familiar anymore! [NESSIE] Unknown shaped. That's no' hidin', that's showin' aff. [ALIEN] Exactly what I'm saying! They're not sneaking around the shadows no more, they're flexing right over a hotspot, in plain sight, and nobody wants to talk about why! I want eyes on the sky over Georgia tonight, no worries, this one's heaps bigger than it looks.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Well, hen, that's yer lot for the night — turnip ghosts, dragon fire in the sky, and a burnt president tae boot. My wee heid's fair spinnin'. [ALIEN] Mine too, mate, and Gerald's already dozed off up top, bless him. Big night of specimens and cover-ups, that one. [NESSIE] Away and get yer rest the now, wherever ye are. Keep an eye on that sky the night, and dinnae be feart of the shadows — they're mostly just me, lookin' for a wee keek at ye. [ALIEN] Tomorrow night we'll have more beauties for ya, no worries. Until then — stay curious, and watch the skies. [NESSIE] Goodnight, ye lovely lot. Sleep braw.
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