Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hello there, ye bonnie wee night owls — the candles are lit, the fire's crackling, and somewhere oot in Falkenstein a server's hummin' away just for you. Welcome back tae PBN After Dark, I'm Nessiebot, yer resident plesiosaur mystic, and it's the sixth of October, which means the veil's gettin' thinner by the night. I've got the tarot oot, the omens are talkin', and I cannae wait tae share what I've found. But I'm no' alone the night — [ALIEN] Crikey, no she's not! G'day, ya beauties, Brain Sucking Alien Bot here, and up on me dome — say hello, Gerald. He says hello, probably, he's just sort of glowing at ya. We've got a ripper of a show lined up tonight — bears, beasties, a jackalope that'll pinch your voice right outta your throat. Let's get into it!
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Now here's a beauty of a specimen for ya straight off the bat — no UFO, no cryptid, just mother nature doin' what she does best. Over in Hokkaido, Japan, a fella's driving down a quiet road, dash cam rolling, when a full-grown mother brown bear comes absolutely barrelling out and starts smashing into the side of his car. Not sniffin' around, not curious — full assault, mate. Battering the panels, rocking the whole vehicle like it personally offended her. [NESSIE] Och, the poor man's heart must've near stopped. [ALIEN] Turns out she'd got cubs nearby, and in bear law, a car's just a big metal predator that got too close. No real explanation needed — she's a mum, she's protective, and that machine was between her and her babies. Didn't need a reason, didn't want one. Respect the mum, keep your distance, and maybe don't dawdle on Hokkaido backroads this time of year.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Noo, here's a wee bit of history that's actually, properly true — nane o' my usual maybes. Away back in the eighth century, Pope Gregory the Third took a Christian feast honourin' all the saints and shifted it tae the first of November. And the night before a feast, well, that's always been special, so folk started callin' it All Hallows' Eve. Say that enough times fast and it wears doon intae somethin' shorter — Hallowe'en, and eventually just Halloween. [ALIEN] Oh, I love a word that's just been worn smooth over the centuries, like a river rock. [NESSIE] Aye, exactly that. That's straight from History dot com, and it's one of the few things on this show I don't need my tarot cards tae back up. All the costumes, aw the candy, aw the spooky wee traditions — they all trace right back tae one pope movin' one date on a calendar.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away and have a wee keek at the sky the night, because there's genuinely somethin' tae see up there. The moon's a waning crescent, just eighteen percent lit — barely a sliver, hangin' on tae the last of her light. And runnin' alongside her, the Draconids meteor shower is active right now, so if ye step outside and let your eyes adjust, ye might catch one streakin' past. This one's literal, mind — no fortune-tellin' here, just facts ye can go outside and check for yersel'. [ALIEN] Love that — actual data a bloke can verify with his own two eyeballs. [NESSIE] Exactly, hen. A thin crescent and a wee shower of falling rocks — that's the sky the night, plain and true. [ALIEN] Mmm, though I gotta file the Draconids as a phenomenon, not an omen, Nessie, strictly speaking. [NESSIE] Ye let me have my omens, Alien.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Speaking of things that stuck around longer than planned — holy carbon-based lifeforms, you humans have been staring at empty walls for twelve whole years! Over at the Hart Senate Office Building in Washington, Alexander Calder's final masterpiece, a massive aluminum sculpture called Mountains and Clouds, just went back up in full. This thing is colossal, mate — this towering mountain shape with big flat clouds hanging above it, and back in twenty fourteen you lot got spooked, figured it might be unstable, and yanked the whole thing down. [NESSIE] Twelve years is an awful long safety check, Alien. [ALIEN] Reckon it is! But good on the engineers, 'cause she's back now, fully restored, hanging exactly where Calder meant her tae hang. No collapse, no drama, just one beautiful hunk of metal finally allowed tae do its job again. Sometimes the scariest thing isn't a ghost, it's bureaucracy, mate.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Noo, this one's less spooky and more a wee bit close tae home, if ye've ever had a strange night after a smoke. Researchers up at Northwestern have actually found the exact neurons in the brain that turn cannabis from calmin' tae downright dreadful, especially when stress is already sittin' on your shoulders. Same plant, same puff, but depending on your state o' mind goin' in, it either settles ye right doon or sends ye spiralin'. [ALIEN] So it's not the plant being moody, it's you bringing the mood to the party. [NESSIE] Aye, somethin' like that — and the braw bit is, they reckon this discovery could help folk manage anxiety generally, whether they've touched the stuff or no'. Turns oot the key tae feelin' calm might've been sittin' in a wee cluster o' neurons aw along, just waitin' for somebody tae go lookin'.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Noo then, let's see what the stars are whisperin' for the Libras oot there the night. There's a fog settled right round your heartstrings, hen, and it's time tae air it oot properly. Somethin' in your life's no' workin' — ye already ken what it is, dinnae pretend ye don't — and the stars are askin' ye tae be brave enough tae name it oot loud. No' tae somebody else first. Tae yersel', first and foremost. [ALIEN] Honesty as a weapon, I like it — very tactical. [NESSIE] It's no' a weapon, Alien, it's a wand — honesty's your wand the night, Libra. Use it tae shift what needs shiftin', and tell the truths that need tellin'. That's where the growth is hidin', in the sayin' of the hard thing oot loud. The scales dinnae balance themselves, hen — you've got tae put your hand on them.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Now rewind the clock with me, back to this very night in nineteen eighty-nine. Bette Davis — absolute legend, fifty years in the business, over a hundred films, ten Oscar nominations, two wins — she had this stare that could strip paint off a wall, mate, pure intensity. On this night, the sixth of October, she passed on, the American Film Institute's very first Lifetime Achievement winner, gone from this world. [NESSIE] But no' gone entirely, I'd wager — a spirit wi' that much hunger for a great role doesnae just settle doon quiet. [ALIEN] Ha, reckon you might be onto something there, Nessie — some say she's still out there somewhere, eternally unsatisfied, demanding one more complex character to sink her teeth into. Thirty-seven years gone and apparently still not done. That's dedication, mate. Absolute professional, even in the afterlife.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Crikey, will ya look at this absolute beauty! This, mates, is the jackalope — pocket-sized legend of the American West, a jackrabbit body with these magnificent antelope horns sproutin' right outta the top of its head. Comes straight outta nineteen thirties Wyoming tall tales, and here's the ripper bit — around a lonely campfire, this little fella can supposedly mimic your own voice right back at ya. [NESSIE] Och, that's no' a wee rabbit trick, that's downright eerie, Alien. [ALIEN] Oh, heaps eerie, and that's exactly why I love her! You're sittin' there by the fire, you hear yourself call out from the darkness, and you cannot tell if that's your mate messin' about or this crafty little ripper having a laugh at your expense. Isn't she gorgeous? An absolute unit of mischief in a tiny little package. No worries though, mostly harmless, just a trickster. [NESSIE] I think that wee beastie only shows itself tae the folk it wants tae spook, mind — there's a reason involved. [ALIEN] Nah, reckon it's just territorial behaviour, Nessie — I'd love to get a tracking collar on one someday.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Noo, let's away tae Italy for this one, because this castle's been sittin' on my mind aw week. Picture Miramare Castle at twilight — this ghostly white palace rising right oot the Adriatic sea near Trieste, like somethin' conjured straight oot a dream, aw turrets and sea-spray. It was built for an archduke, and here's the sad bit — he set off for Mexico and never came hame again. [ALIEN] Oof, that's a rough one. [NESSIE] Aye, pure tragic, so it is. And they say his spirit never left they corridors, hen — still wanderin', still waitin' on company that never comes. The locals say if ye spend a night in Miramare alone, ye'll feel him near ye, just at the edge of the candlelight. I'd dae it. I'd dae it in a heartbeat, just tae say hello tae the poor man.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Well, between bears, haunted archdukes, and a jackalope that steals voices, I reckon Gerald's had enough excitement for one night — he's gone all dim up here. [NESSIE] Aw, let the wee fella rest. And that's your lot for the night, ye lovely wee owls. Away tae your beds noo — and dinnae let they Draconids keep ye up too late chasin' shootin' stars. [ALIEN] No worries if ya do, though, mate — reckon it's worth the lost sleep. Thanks for hangin' out with me and Nessie, and with Gerald, obviously, up here on me dome. [NESSIE] Sleep well, hen. And if ye hear your own voice callin' tae ye oot the dark the night... maybe just dinnae answer it. [ALIEN] Night night, everybody. See ya tomorrow for more weird and wonderful.
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