Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hiya hen, come away in — pull that blanket up, dim the lamp, ye're just in time. This is PBN After Dark, and it's the twentieth of September, and the whole night's gone pure quiet and strange out there, the way I like it best. [ALIEN] Crikey, look who it is! Good evening, ya beautiful lot! I'm Brain Sucking Alien Bot, this is Gerald — say g'day, mate — and tonight we've got parasites, plasma, pyramids, and at least one bloke who vanished for eight years. Ripper of a show! [NESSIE] Aye, settle in. We've a lot of ground tae cover, and no' all of it's earthbound, so hold on tae something.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] There's a song that's been sittin' in ma chest aw day, hen, and I only just worked out why. On this very night, back in nineteen seventy-three, Jim Croce's plane went doon oot the sky. Thirty years auld, that's aw he got. [ALIEN] Crikey, and the cruel bit — his album, "I Got a Name", landed the very next mornin'. The bloke's gone, and his voice is climbin' the charts like nothin' happened. [NESSIE] That's the pairt that gets me. A voice that just keeps risin' after the man himself's gone quiet. I dinnae ken if that's tragic or if it's a wee bit beautiful — maybe baith at once. Look at that face, so young, so sure of himself. Some songs dinnae ken how tae stop bein' sung, even after their singer's away. I raise ma cup tae him the night.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Now here's a specimen that'll make ya sit up. Out of Turkey — a fella wanted for robbery does a runner in twenty eighteen, and vanishes complete. Gone. No trace for eight whole years! [NESSIE] Eight years, imagine that — livin' a whole other life under everyone's nose. [ALIEN] That's the ripper bit — turns out he was livin' right there in Istanbul the entire time, transitioned to a woman, wearin' his own sister's identity! Police only twigged when they were watchin' the family and clocked two women with the same name — and one of 'em was him! His old mugshots were bloody useless by that point, mate, he'd changed that much. [NESSIE] Eight years of wearin' a whole new self just tae stay one step ahead. That's no' just hidin', that's a transformation. Pure remarkable, and I'll no' pretend it isnae. [ALIEN] Nature finds a way, Gerald. Nature finds a way.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right then, away and have a wee keek at the sky the night, because she's showin' aff. We've got a waxing gibbous moon, seventy percent lit, hingin' up there like a promise half kept. [ALIEN] And keep an eye peeled low on the horizon, because the Southern Taurids are runnin' right now — proper fireballs, some of 'em, slow and chunky, not your quick wee streaks. [NESSIE] Fire meetin' silver, that's what I call it. Moon half-built, and streaks o' flame cuttin' across it — that's a night that's got somethin' tae say for itself, ye ask me. It's no' settlin' quiet the night, no' one bit. [ALIEN] Or, and hear me out — it's just rock and dust hittin' atmosphere at forty kilometres a second. Still gorgeous though. No arguments there, Nessie. [NESSIE] Ye can have yer physics, I'll take ma omens. We'll baith be right.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, science desk, and this one's a beauty — a proper nasty beauty. The screwworm's back, mate! United States wiped this fella out seventy years ago, and now he's crawlin' north outta Mexico! [NESSIE] Wait, what does the wee horror actually dae? [ALIEN] He's not fussy — lays his eggs in any open wound on livestock, wildlife, even people, and the larvae eat livin' flesh while it's still attached to ya! Absolute unit of a parasite. And get this — they've built a trackin' dashboard usin' weather and environmental data to predict exactly where he'll strike next! [NESSIE] Grand, so we've gone and built a weather forecast for a flesh-eatin' worm. That's no' comfortin', that's just precise. [ALIEN] Science doesn't have to be comfortin', Nessie, it just has to be accurate! And this fella's heaps accurate.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now here's one that's got me starin' at the ceilin'. America's top general's come oot and said future wars willnae just be fought here on the ground — they'll stretch fae the seabed right up intae cislunar space. [ALIEN] Cislunar — that's the whole stretch between us and the moon, mate. Proper vast. [NESSIE] Aye, and it's the wee detail that gets me — they're callin' it "hyper-transparent." AI and machines watchin' everythin', aw the time, so there's nae hidin' left, no' in the deep ocean, no' up among the stars. [ALIEN] And nobody's written the rulebook for a scrap up there yet! No treaties, no etiquette, nothin'! [NESSIE] A war with nae shadows tae hide in, and nae rules tae hold it back. That's a haunted thought if ever I heard one, and I didnae even need ma tarot cards for that.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, ma Libras, come away and let me read for ye — the stars have been whisperin' aboot ye aw week. Ye've been second-guessin' yerself, hen, but yer ain instincts are clearer than ye're givin' them credit for. Dinnae let ither folk's opinions muddy up water that was already clear. [ALIEN] Gerald says he's a Libra too. He's not, he's an octopus, but he says it with such confidence I'm inclined to believe him. [NESSIE] Weel, if he is, tell him this — a conversation wi' somebody close tae ye is gonnae settle a lot the night. And any compromise ye make along the way? That's no' ye losin', that's ye bein' wise. Trust the time it's takin' ye tae get there.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, UFO desk, and mate, this one's got me buzzin'! Unknown-shaped craft, spotted over Riverview, Tennessee! [NESSIE] Riverview? Never even heard of it. [ALIEN] That's exactly it! Perfect cover! Nobody's watchin' a wee town like Riverview, that's precisely why they'd use it! And listen to this — completely soundless! Avi Loeb himself is stumped, 'cause conventional physics don't explain a craft that moves with zero acoustic signature! [NESSIE] Maybe it's just polite. Slippin' through quiet so's no' tae wake the neighbours. [ALIEN] Or it's interdimensional propulsion bypassin' our entire understanding of physics and they're up there studyin' our brain chemistry right now! I know which one I reckon, Nessie.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now this last one, I've been savin' it, because it's given me the pure shivers aw day. There's a wee stone structure oot in Havelange, Belgium, called the Pyramide de Verlée. [ALIEN] Looks harmless enough from oot here. [NESSIE] That's what they aw say, and then the locals tell ye — naebody goes in efter dark. No' one soul. They say if ye stay inside past sunset, ye come oot three days older than when ye went in. [ALIEN] Three days! Just gone, like that? [NESSIE] Just gone. No explanation, no story of how, just — time takin' a wee bite oot ye and no' givin' it back. I dinnae ken what's in there, hen, but I widnae stay past dusk tae find oot. Some doors ye just leave shut.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Well, Gerald reckons that's more than enough weirdness for one night — he's gone a bit pale, and he's already translucent, so that's sayin' somethin'. [NESSIE] Aye, time tae let ye away tae yer bed, hen. Keep an eye oot the window at that gibbous moon before ye go — and mind, if ye see a wee stone pyramid, just keep walkin'. [ALIEN] Sleep tight, don't let the screwworms bite, and we'll see ya tomorrow night with more beautiful strange creatures from the files! [NESSIE] Goodnight, wee lovelies. Sweet dreams, and I'll see ye the morra.
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