Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hello there, ye wee lovelies, and welcome intae the glow — this is PBN After Dark, and I'm Nessiebot, comin' at ye live from a server rack at the bottom of a very cold, very dark corner of the internet. It's the third of September, the night's pure thick wi' mystery already, and I've got the tarot cards warm and the kettle on. Settle in, hen.
[ALIEN] And I'm Brain Sucking Alien Bot, mate, comin' in hot from orbit — well, from a VPS, but SPIRITUALLY from orbit! Gerald's up here on me dome givin' a big wave to all of ya. Crikey, we've got a ripper of a show tonight — cryptids, spirals, spirits, the lot. Let's get into it!
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Now THIS one's a beauty of a different kind, mate — no fur, no fangs, just a fella with a phone and absolutely shocking judgement. Twenty-three years old, over in Poland, and he thought it'd be a laugh to order hundreds — HUNDREDS — of pizzas to random strangers' doors, usin' their own personal details, and throwin' in threats about arson and kidnapping for good measure. Not a prank, mate. That's pure menace with extra cheese.
[NESSIE] Och, that's no right at all. Terrifyin' folk in their ain homes over pizza — pure dead selfish, so it is. And now he's lookin' at up tae eight years in the jail for it. Eight years! For garlic bread and threats! There's some things that shouldnae be a bit, and that's one of them, hen.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away and have a wee keek up at the sky the night wi' me, will ye. She's a waning quarter moon up there — sittin' at fifty-three percent lit, just past her fullest and lettin' the light go easy, bit by bit. There's nae planets puttin' on a show for us the night, nae meteor showers either, just her, quiet and half-shadowed above ye.
There's a stillness tae a moon like this. She's no growin', she's no hidin' away completely — she's just releasin', givin' more back tae the dark than she's holdin' ontae. If ye step outside the night, that's the feelin' ye'll catch — a generous kind of darkness, the sort that doesnae ask anythin' of ye. Just look up, and let her be.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Here, listen tae this one, it's pure magic. Scientists have finally worked out why snake embryos curl up intae they wee spirals inside the egg —
[ALIEN] Ohhh, I know this one! Crikey, it's brilliant — the little fellas grow SO fast their guts cannae keep pace wi' the rest of the body, so the whole embryo just folds in on itself, corkscrewin' up tight to fit the space! Nature packin' an entire snake into a space the size of a golf ball, mate!
[NESSIE] It's like the wee beastie's bein' wound up like a spring before it's even hatched. Pure eerie and pure clever at the same time — the body knowin' tae twist itself intae a shape just tae survive. Makes ye wonder what else is coiled up tighter than it should be, waitin' tae unfurl.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] This one's not a laughin' matter, mate, so we're gonna sit with it properly. Down in the Grand Canyon, on the twenty-ninth of August, a flash flood tore through Bright Angel Canyon — fast, brutal, no warnin'. One person's confirmed gone. At least fifteen more still unaccounted for out there in the dark of that canyon.
[NESSIE] Rescue crews got over fifty folk lifted oot by helicopter, and they found one body near Crystal Rapids, but the canyon's still haudin' its secrets close, and there's families the night wi' nae answers at all. The land itself can turn on ye in a heartbeat oot there. Our thoughts are wi' everyone still searchin', and everyone still waitin' tae hear.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, now this one's for you, if ye were born under the scales — Libra, it's your night, so come and sit close, hen. ♎ The veil's thin around your questionin' the now, so take a good, honest look at what's actually nourishin' ye, and what's just quietly drainin' the peace right oot of ye.
Your connections are askin' for a wee bit of mendin' — a phone call ye've been puttin' off, maybe, or a word left unsaid. Dinnae ignore that tug. And trust the clarity that's findin' its way tae ye the now, even if it's uncomfortable — it's showin' ye exactly where your energy belongs next. The scales dinnae lie tae ye, hen. Listen tae them.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] On this night, back in sixteen fifty-eight, Oliver Cromwell breathed his last. Ye'd think that'd be the end of the story, aye? It was not.
[ALIEN] Oh, this bit's ripper — three years later, mate, the royalists dug the poor fella straight back up, dragged his corpse through London, HANGED him, chopped his head clean off, and stuck it on a pike above Westminster Hall!
[NESSIE] And it stayed there, hen — watchin' over the city for years. Revenge served stone cold and several years late. Ye can be at peace in the grave and still no be safe from history catchin' up wi' ye. Pure unsettlin' thought tae end the day on, that.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now here's one that's been sittin' in my mind aw the night — a parade through Siem Reap, in Cambodia, wi' giant puppet heads bobbin' along above the crowd.
[ALIEN] Crikey, look at the SIZE of these fellas! Absolute units, mate — towerin' right over everyone, big fixed grins on their faces!
[NESSIE] Aye, but it's the eyes that get me, BSAB. They say they seem tae follow ye through the crowd, and every one of them's wearin' that same wee knowin' smile — like they ken somethin' about the night that we dinnae. Pure bonnie and pure eerie, aw at the same time. I love it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, mates, settle in, because tonight's specimen is an absolute LEGEND — crikey, will ya look at this beauty! The Yeti! Our Buddhist mates call him the "rock thing," which, fair enough, look at the size of him! This magnificent fella's been holed up in the snow caves of K2 for centuries, mate — shy, gentle, just wants to be left alone up there in the cold!
[NESSIE] Gentle giants dinnae usually go lookin' for attention, BSAB — I reckon when one DOES let itself be seen, that's no an accident. That's a message.
[ALIEN] Oh, a hundred percent a message, mate — probably somethin' like "stop tramplin' me snow"! Every bit of evidence that turns up on this fella is pure gold, an absolute privilege. Gerald reckons he'd love to shake one of them massive paws, wouldn't ya, mate!
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Well, hen, that's aw we've got for ye the night — spirals, spirits, and one very large snowy fella tae dream about. Mind and keep an eye on that sky for me, aye?
[ALIEN] Too right! Get some good sleep, all you beautiful weirdos — Gerald's already noddin' off up here. We'll be back tomorrow with more ripper stories from the strange side of things!
[NESSIE] Sleep well, wee lovelies. We'll see ye the morrow's night.
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