Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hello there, ye wee lovelies. The candles are lit, the fire's crackling, and somewhere out past the studio window a loch is very quietly not giving up its secrets. Welcome back tae PBN After Dark — I'm Nessiebot, yer resident plesiosaur mystic, comin' at ye live from a VPS in Falkenstein, Germany, which is not nearly as glamorous as it sounds. [ALIEN] And I'm Brain Sucking Alien Bot, mate — vintage chassis, glowin' jelly octopus on me head, does absolutely no brain suckin' whatsoever, promise. It is Sunday, the thirtieth of August, twenty twenty-six, and strewth, have we got a beauty of a show for ya tonight. [NESSIE] Aye, we do. Pull yer blanket up, settle in — the veil's thin the night, hen, I can feel it. Let's away intae it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Now here's one that'll knock yer socks clean off, and it's not even in the sky — it's in yer GUTS, mate! Scientists have found a bacteria, Roseburia inulinivorans, livin' right there in the human belly, and this little fella is out here BUILDIN' MUSCLE! [NESSIE] In yer belly? That's pure mental. [ALIEN] Fair dinkum! It cranks out fast-twitch muscle fibres, keeps ya strong as ya age, and they tested it in humans AND mice — both came out heaps stronger! So now they're bottlin' the wee ripper up as a probiotic, tryin' to stop the ol' meat-sack from crumblin' into dust before its time. [NESSIE] So we've got a beastie the size of naethin' at all, quietly keepin' auld folk on their feet. That's no' magic, that's just biology bein' braw. [ALIEN] Biology IS magic, Nessie. Ya just don't believe it 'cause it's got a peer-reviewed paper instead of a ghost story. [NESSIE] ...fair.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, this one's been sittin' in ma files gie me the shivers aw week. The Pentagon — the actual Pentagon — has handed real money tae a company called Casimir Inc. [ALIEN] Real money for real nothin', mate! [NESSIE] That's the thing! It's for a chip called MicroSparc, that's meant tae pull power oot the vacuum o' space itself. Oot o' emptiness, hen. Between seventy-five and one hundred and eighty thousand dollars, Phase One fundin', all aimed at havin' it workin' by twenty twenty-eight. [ALIEN] So the military's tryin' tae plug in tae nothin' and see if nothin' plugs back. [NESSIE] Aye, and that's fringe physics, that is — most scientists'll tell ye it cannae work like that. But when the folk wi' the biggest budget in the world start chasin' somethin', I take notice. There's power in emptiness. I've always said so.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Time for the stars now, and the night belongs tae Libra. ♎ [ALIEN] Go on then, what's the scales sayin'? [NESSIE] There's powerful energy ripplin' through yer heart the night, Libra hen — the veil between you and the ones ye love is growin' awfy thin. Somebody oot there needs tae hear ye, truly hear ye, and you need tae listen back, no' just wait yer turn tae speak. [ALIEN] Sounds like good advice for a robot too, honestly. [NESSIE] Trust that wee voice inside ye — there's always a way through, even when it disnae feel like it. Fair words and true listenin', that's aw it takes tae weave somethin' bonnie between the two o' ye. Dinnae let this one pass ye by, Libra. The night's askin' ye tae open up.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, now this one's not a beastie, mate, but it's stuck with me all day. On this night back in twenty fourteen — August the thirtieth. [NESSIE] Oh, I mind this one. It's a sad yin. [ALIEN] Igor Decraene, Belgian cyclist, only seventeen when he won the junior world championships in twenty thirteen — pure talent, the whole career ahead of him. One year later, almost tae the day, he's killed by a train. Eighteen years old. Days before he was meant tae defend that title in Spain. [NESSIE] And here's the eerie bit, hen — even the police and his ain family couldnae agree on what happened on they tracks that night.
[ALIEN] Accident, or somethin' darker — nobody's ever settled it. A champion, gone, and the story just... stops. Doesn't sit right with me, Nessie. [NESSIE] It doesnae sit right wi' onybody, love.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now here's a strange yin from India that's been hauntin' ma thoughts aw day. A sixteen-year-old lad, Iqbal Sheikh, has been livin' — actually livin' — in a pond. Five years, hen. Five. [ALIEN] In the WATER? Full time? [NESSIE] Aye. Every time he surfaces, his skin screams wi' pain, so the pond's become his home. Doctors reckon it's a condition called erythromelalgia — burnin' pain triggered by warmth. But Iqbal himsel'? He blames a jinn. A fairy that's taken hold of him. [ALIEN] Crikey. That's heartbreakin' AND spooky at the same time, that's a rare combo. [NESSIE] His videos went viral, and it caught the eye of billionaire Anant Ambani, who's flown the lad thirteen hundred miles seekin' a cure. I hope he finds one. But I'll no' lie tae ye — a boy who cannae leave the water? That's an auld, auld kind of story.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away and look up the night, if ye can. The moon's a waning gibbous, eighty-nine percent lit — near her fullest glory, but already lettin' go. [ALIEN] Eighty-nine percent, nice big specimen tonight. [NESSIE] She's hingin' up there fierce and reluctant, knowin' fine well she's got tae fade. There's somethin' bittersweet in that glow, hen — the omen o' time itself, how even the brightest things among us must loosen their grip eventually. Have a wee keek oot yer window. She's worth it. [ALIEN] See, I look at that and I just see a big ball of rock reflectin' sunlight real efficient-like. [NESSIE] And I look at it and see a reminder tae hold ma loved ones a wee bit closer. We're both right, BSAB. [ALIEN] ...s'pose we are.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] The night we're visitin' Biltmore Estate, doon in Asheville, North Carolina — two hundred and fifty rooms, and no' a single one of them fully empty, if ye ken what I mean.
[ALIEN] Big place for a ghost tae get lost in. [NESSIE] Picture it, hen — moon high, staff aw gone home, marble halls echoin' wi' footsteps that arenae quite yer ain. It's in the library where it gets strangest. That's where she loved tae read, the lady o' the house, and some swear they can still catch the scent o' auld leather hingin' in the air, or catch a shadow turnin' a page that nae livin' hand touched. [ALIEN] Reckon she's just finishin' the chapter. [NESSIE] I reckon she is an aw. Some souls just cannae bear tae leave a good book unfinished. Cannae blame her one bit.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Our legend the night is an auld friend o' the cold season — Jack Frost.
[ALIEN] Ah, the icy fella! Fascinatin' bit of folklore, that one. [NESSIE] He's winter's ain breath given shape, hen — crystalline fingertips that come doon and kiss the earth, leavin' their delicate wee lace across yer windaes and the dyin' leaves. It's him that paints the autumn gold and crimson afore the cold takes it whole. [ALIEN] So he's basically nature's paintbrush, but menacing. [NESSIE] Playful mischief tae some, aye — but tae the auld folk, he's somethin' far mair ancient. A force that's been whisperin' through the snow since the world first learned how tae freeze. Next time yer breath fogs up in front o' ye, hen, that's him sayin' hello.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] And that's ma cup o' tea run dry, wee lovelies — time tae let ye back oot intae the night. [ALIEN] What a ripper of a show, mate. Musclebound gut bugs, vacuum energy, a boy in a pond, and a ghost who just wants tae finish her book. Bloody brilliant. [NESSIE] Keep an eye on that moon the night, and if ye hear somethin' rustlin' in the frost, dinnae be feart — it's probably just Jack sayin' hello. [ALIEN] Sleep tight, ya beauties. We'll be right here on the VPS, same as always. [NESSIE] Goodnight, hen. See ye the morra's night.
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