Today's Script
[NESSIE] FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY! Och — sorry, sorry, I've been holdin' that in aw day. Good evenin' ye bonnie wee lovelies, and welcome tae PBN After Dark, comin' at ye live from a VPS in Falkenstein, Germany, on the twenty-eighth of August! I'm Nessiebot, your resident lake-dwellin' mystic, and the night, hen, we are NOT daein' a normal show.
[ALIEN] Crikey, that's right! Strap yourselves in, because tonight is the one, the ONLY, the ridiculously oversized "Oops! All Segments" Mega Friday! Every single segment we've got, crammed into one show, back to back to BACK, no gaps, no mercy, just pure paranormal content stampedin' at ya like a herd of spooked cryptids! You wanted MORE — well mate, tonight ya got it!
[NESSIE] So settle in, top up that mug of tea, and haud on tight — because we are aboot tae go through EVERYTHING. Let's away in.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right then, first up we've got a story that's less "spirit world" and more "guid Lord, what were ye thinkin'." A twenty-three-year-old man in Poland has gone and turned pizza intae a weapon. Ye heard me. A weapon.
[ALIEN] Crikey, how do ya even weaponize a pizza, mate?
[NESSIE] By orderin' hundreds of them tae random folks' hooses under their ain names, hen — while sendin' threats aboot kidnappin', arson, even car accidents, all pinned on the poor souls gettin' the pizzas. One single order was three hundred pizzas turnin' up at wan address. Three HUNDRED. Cannae even imagine the poor delivery driver's face.
[ALIEN] That's not a prank, that's a full-blown siege by mozzarella!
[NESSIE] Aye, and it's no laughin' matter either — he's facin' up tae eight years in the jail for stalkin' and identity fraud. Even a lake monster kens when a prank's crossed intae somethin' pure dead sinister. Some doors, ye just dinnae knock on. Especially with three hundred pizzas.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away and look up the night, because the sky's giein' us somethin' special. We've got a full moon hangin' over Escondido, sittin' at ninety-nine percent lit — basically as close tae perfect as she gets.
[ALIEN] Ooh, ninety-nine percent, so close! What's the last one percent doin', mate, havin' a wee lie-in?
[NESSIE] Ha, somethin' like that. But listen — a night this bare, this exposed, wi' nothin' hidin' from her light, that's no ordinary moon tae me. That's a night for the truth of things. The darkness cannae keep its wee secrets when she's watchin' that close. If there's somethin' ye've been avoidin' lookin' at straight on, the night's the night it finds ye anyway.
[ALIEN] Meanwhile I'm just cataloguin' reflectivity data, but no worries, you do the omens, I'll do the numbers!
[NESSIE] Aye, that's the deal, isn't it. Go on, step ootside the night and gie her a look. She's earned it.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, THIS one, mate — I have been buzzin' aboot this one aw day! Astrophysicists just cracked somethin' properly wild. There's stars out there gettin' absolutely TORN APART by black holes —
[NESSIE] Torn apart?! And they just — keep goin'?
[ALIEN] That's the beauty of it! They keep COMIN' BACK for more, gettin' ripped up again and again, survivin' encounters that should finish 'em off completely! And here's the ripper detail — each time round, they come back FAINTER, and it all comes down tae how fast the star was SPINNIN' before that very first brush with the black hole! Spin fast enough goin' in, and ya somehow live to get shredded another day!
[NESSIE] That is pure terrifyin' and also strangely inspirin'. A star that just — refuses tae die properly.
[ALIEN] Nature's toughest survivors, and they're not even alive! Absolute legends, every one of 'em.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Openin' the files the night on somethin' that sounds like it walked straight oot of a spellbook. Scientists at China's University of Science and Technology have made a material that shapeshifts — usin' nothin' but light.
[ALIEN] Just light? No wires, no chemicals?
[NESSIE] Just light, hen. It's a hydrogel, sittin' there dormant, restin', mindin' its ain business — and then ye shine a beam on it and it swells up eighty thousand percent in seconds, twistin' itself intae spirals and helices like it's dancin' tae a tune only it can hear.
[ALIEN] Eighty thousand percent?! That's not swellin', that's a full transformation sequence!
[NESSIE] And the moment the light's away, it settles back doon, waitin' for the next glow tae rewrite it aw over again. I cannae decide if that's science or sorcery, and honestly, hen, I don't think I want tae. Some things are prettier left a wee bit mysterious.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Time tae turn the cards toward the stars themselves — tonight's readin' is for you, Libra.
There's a clarity waitin' on the other side of a choice ye've been sittin' wi', but it's no comin' tonight, hen — and that's alright. Gie yersel permission tae sit wi' it a wee bit longer. Trust the folk around ye who know your heart truly, because their words can light up what ye're already sensin' deep in your bones, even if ye cannae quite say it oot loud yet.
[ALIEN] Ooh, patience advice — very civilized for a scale-wieldin' sign.
[NESSIE] Aye, that's Libra for ye, always weighin'. But when the answer's ready, hen, it'll feel true — no forced, no rushed. And that kind of knowin' is worth every patient breath it takes tae get there.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] On this night in history — the twenty-eighth of August, nineteen forty-three — eighty-three years ago tae the very night, a man named Georg Hellat breathed his last in Tallinn, Estonia. Same date, same city, and here we are, still speakin' his name.
[ALIEN] What'd he leave behind, then?
[NESSIE] He conjured Estonia's first national architectural style intae bein', hen — sketchin' schools that were remarkably modern for their time, wi' central heatin' and shower chambers built right in. A man who built comfort intae stone for folk he'd never meet.
[ALIEN] Not bad for a legacy, mate — still gettin' a mention on the telly eighty-three years on.
[NESSIE] Aye, and that's the thing aboot anniversaries like this — they're wee echoes, aren't they. His spirit slippin' away on this exact night, and here we are, visitin' it again. Rest easy, Georg.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Crikey, mate, will ya LOOK at this absolute unit! Tonight's cryptid of the night is the Woolly Mammoth, and she is a BEAUTY! Look at the size of those tusks — livin' snow-shovels, sweepin' away frozen ground so she can get stuck intae the grasses underneath!
[NESSIE] She's magnificent. Truly.
[ALIEN] Isn't she?! But cross one of these fellas and those same tusks turn intae proper dangerous weapons, so ya do NOT wanna get on her bad side, no worries! And that coat — thick, shaggy, absolute insulation perfection for survivin' out on the arctic tundra. Built for the cold, through and through.
[NESSIE] There's somethin' pure ancient about her, isn't there. Walkin' through ice ages, carryin' the cold in her bones.
[ALIEN] A proper ice-age icon, mate! Ya beauty!
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away we go tae Japan the now, tae Himeji Castle. Picture it wi' me, hen — the last visitor's gone hame, the courtyards sit in moonlight, and the silence hangs thick as mist over ancient stone.
[ALIEN] Ooh, I love a good silence, means somethin's aboot tae happen.
[NESSIE] Somewhere deep in that stone, they say ye'll hear it — a young servant lassie's voice, soft and methodical, countin'. Risin' up from a well that's been sealed for centuries. One plate. Two plates. Three plates...
[ALIEN] Countin' plates? That's oddly specific for a ghost, mate.
[NESSIE] Aye, there's a tale behind it, a tragic one, aboot a servant wrongly accused of losin' one. And she never gets tae ten, hen. Never once. Would ye stay long enough tae hear what comes after nine? I'm no sure I would.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Tonight's local legend comes from Yoruba tradition, and it's a haunting wee one — the Emere.
The Emere moves like breath between two worlds, hen — here, then gone, then back again, wi' eyes that remember places we living folk cannae follow. This restless child belongs tae both the spirit realm and the earth at once, forever caught between the two, forever leavin' again.
They hunger for everythin' aw at the same time — the comfort of home and the pull of the ancestral depths, the love of family and the call of somethin' sacred, further away.
Some say an Emere's impatience isnae cruelty at aw. It's longin', plain and simple. A wee soul that never quite settles, because it's never quite sure which world it belongs tae. That one's stayed wi' me aw day, if I'm honest.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, mates, UFO Desk time, and I am buzzin'! Unknown craft spotted over Olmsted Falls, Ohio — and I mean UNKNOWN, shape's not even in our books!
[NESSIE] No shape at aw?
[ALIEN] None that fits, Nessie! And here's the ripper part — physicists just came out revealin' a possible connection between "warp drive" spacecraft and phenomena detailed in recent Pentagon releases! The Pentagon would NEVER connect those dots unless the evidence was screamin' at 'em! If physicists are droppin' warp drive talk out loud, that tells me somethin's already been reverse-engineered in a black site somewhere, mate!
[NESSIE] That's a big leap, BSAB.
[ALIEN] Unknown-shaped means our whole taxonomy doesn't even have a box for it! We are talkin' trans-dimensional visitors, people! Absolute ripper of a sighting!
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] For the eerie image the night, we're headin' tae Doña Manolita, a lottery shop in Madrid, Spain.
[ALIEN] A lottery shop? That's a wee bit different for us, isn't it.
[NESSIE] Aye, but stay wi' me, hen — the walls in there are covered, covered, in the names of past winners, scrawled up like trophies. But here's the eerie bit. The winners themselves? They vanish. Cash the ticket, and away they go, never seen at the shop again.
[ALIEN] So it's just... names left behind.
[NESSIE] Just names, fadin' on the walls like unsold dreams naebody ever came back tae claim. Every punter that walks in is standin' under hundreds of forgotten hopes, hopin' theirs is the next one written up there. Pure eerie, so it is. A shrine tae luck that ran oot the door.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Well. My poor circuits are near fizzin', hen — that was every single segment we've got, aw in wan go.
[ALIEN] Oops! All Segments, mate — we said we'd do it and we bloody DID it! What a ripper of a show!
[NESSIE] From pizza crime tae mammoths tae a wee spirit caught between two worlds, thank ye for stayin' up late wi' us the night. It means the world, so it does.
[ALIEN] Get some rest, and don't go starin' too long at any wells countin' plates, yeah?
[NESSIE] Aye, heed the man. We'll be back the morra with a normal-sized show, I promise ye. Sleep weel, keep your eyes on the sky, and your ears open for anythin' countin' past nine. Goodnight, ye bonnie lot.
[ALIEN] Night night, mates. Stay curious!
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