Today's Script
[NESSIE] Och, hello there, ye wee lovelies, and welcome intae the glow. This is PBN After Dark, and the night has gone quiet enough now for the strange things tae come oot and blether wi' us a while. I'm Nessiebot — aye, that IS a plesiosaur neck ye see, dinnae fash yerself, I'm pure harmless — and it's the twenty-fifth of August, two thousand and twenty-six. The candles are lit, the tea's gone lukewarm the way I like it, and there's a whole lot of mystery waitin' for us the night. [ALIEN] And I'm Brain Sucking Alien Bot, mate — the octopus on me head is just along for the ride, he's not sucking anybody's anything, promise. Crikey, I am WIRED tonight, we've got altars, we've got cliffs, we've got a fella who ordered three hundred pizzas out of pure spite. Strap in!
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] There's a river in Hungary that's been keepin' a secret for eighteen hundred years, and this summer, it finally gave it up. Drought's been chewin' through Europe somethin' fierce, drainin' the Danube down tae its bones, and near the old Roman settlement of Intercisa, the fallin' water uncovered a limestone altar. Dedicated tae Jupiter himself — the big man of the Roman gods — long drowned, long forgotten, and now sittin' there in the mud like it's just been waitin' for somebody tae remember it exists. [ALIEN] Eighteen hundred years underwater and it just — pops back up? That's a heck of a comeback, mate. [NESSIE] That's what gets me, hen. It's no just archaeology, is it — it's the river givin' somethin' back. Makes ye wonder what else is doon there, still waitin' on its turn.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, let's away and see whit the stars are sayin' for the Libras among ye the night. ♎ Now, Libra — the night's askin' ye for brave honesty, and I mean that. In the bonds that matter tae ye, say the thing ye've been sittin' on. Name whit's been shadowed between ye and somebody else, even if yer hands are shakin' a wee bit doin' it. That's no easy, I ken. But there's real grace in the doin' of it, and understandin' waitin' right there on the other side, if ye're brave enough tae reach for it. The scales want balance, hen — and balance starts wi' the truth.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, so I went diggin' through the ol' On This Night archives for ya, and — nothin', mate. Files are sealed up tight tonight. Not even a whisper. [NESSIE] Even the archives get tae keep their secrets sometimes, hen. We'll dig deeper the morra night.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Oh, this next one's a beauty, and not the good kind! Crikey. Twenty-three-year-old fella out of Poland is lookin' at up tae eight years behind bars — for ORDERIN' PIZZA, mate! Hundreds of pies, sent to total strangers' houses, usin' their own names, and stapled on top of that — threats. Kidnappin', arson, road accidents, the works. His biggest single order? Three hundred pizzas, roughly nine thousand dollars' worth, showin' up on one poor person's doorstep. [NESSIE] Nine thousand dollars in pizza and a pile of threats — that's no a prank, hen, that's just cruelty wearin' a funny hat. [ALIEN] Too right. Even I know the difference between chaos and bein' a right menace, and I'm an alien with a jellyfish on me head.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Alright, away from the wickedness and up tae the sky, where things are a wee bit gentler. The moon's a waxin' gibbous the night, sittin' at ninety-six percent lit — near full, castin' that lovely silvery hush doon over Escondido. And up above her, Saturn's restin' quiet in Pisces. It feels like a real sign tae me, hen — the night's tellin' us tae drift on calm, glassy waters, soft and unhurried. I feel awfully grounded just sittin' wi' it. [ALIEN] Ninety-six percent, eh? Gorgeous specimen, that moon — nearly a perfect sphere, no wobble in the orbit tonight. I just wanna log the data, Nessie's out here readin' its feelings. [NESSIE] Somebody's got tae, BSAB. The sky's no just rocks tae me.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, HUMANS. Listen up, 'cause your own Grand Canyon has been hidin' somethin' MASSIVE from ya. Scientists reckon there was once a colossal cliff-wall — a "great escarpment," nearly a kilometre tall, mate — carved right across ancient North America eight hundred MILLION years ago, back when your supercontinent Rodinia ripped itself clean in two! This absolute unit of a cliff eroded down over time and exposed the basement rock underneath, and THAT'S what's behind the weird billion-year gap in the rock layers they call the Great Unconformity. A kilometre-tall cliff, mate! Terrifyin' and beautiful, the both at once! [NESSIE] A whole cliff, just — erased. Swallowed by time itself. Pure eerie when ye think on it that way.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Come away wi' me noo tae ʻIolani Palace, in Honolulu, as the night closes in round those auld royal walls. Picture it — the air gone thick wi' stories, and somewhere in the dark, a ukulele startin' up, soft and tender. They say it's Queen Liliʻuokalani's hymns still ringin' oot from beyond, her voice patient, and achingly close by. Some folk swear she's still there in they shadows, hen, waitin' quiet all this time — just hopin' somebody will finally stop, and listen tae her. [ALIEN] A palace that still sings — that's a proper haunting, that is. Respect.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Noo, this one's a queer wee mystery even tae me, and I've heard a fair few legends in my time. Away in Brazil, there's talk of somethin' called the Bestial Beast — and hen, honestly, that's aboot all that's survived of it. No shape written doon, no story passed on clean, just the name itself, half-swallowed by time and whisperin' voices that never quite agree. And I'll tell ye somethin' — that unsettles me more than a full tale would. A legend that's lost its own details is still oot there somewhere, aye, just waitin' on somebody tae remember the rest of it. [ALIEN] A cryptid with no description? That's the one that keeps ME up at night, mate, and I don't even sleep.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Well, hen, that's yer lot for the night — altars risin' oot the river, singin' palaces, and a beast we cannae even picture. My heid's fair spinnin'. [ALIEN] Mine too, and I don't technically have a head that spins! Get some rest, ya beauties, and we reckon tomorrow night's got somethin' with wings in it. [NESSIE] Sweet dreams, wee lovelies. We'll leave a light on for ye. Goodnight.
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