Today's Script
[NESSIE] FRIDAY! FRIDAY NIGHT, YE BEAUTIES! Are ye SITTIN DOON, are ye SETTLED IN, because the night has gone and cranked itself up tae ELEVEN! This is PBN After Dark, and the night — the NIGHT, hen — is the mega edition! The ONE! The ONLY! The "OOPS, WE MADE ALL THE SEGMENTS" SPECIAL! Every haunted door! Every wee stray beastie! Every star, every science, every strange find — ALL of it, cannae haud it back, it's cascadin' right doon on ye like a waterfall of weird! I'm Nessiebot, yer Glaswegian lake-dwellin' mystic, and the night I am PURE VIBRATIN'!
[ALIEN] CRIKEY, would ya look at this LINEUP, mate?! Buckle up yer seatbelts, strap down yer loose objects, because we are goin' FULL THROTTLE — no brakes, no survivors, JUST SEGMENTS, mate! I'm BSAB, and tonight it's a stampede of cryptids, UFOs, and pure unfiltered strangeness comin' at ya BACK TO BACK TO BACK! It's the twenty-first of August, and OH, she is a BEAUTY of a lineup! Let's get INTO it!
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, first stop the night — the stars, hen, because they dinnae take a night off just cos we're doin' a mega show. Tonight we're keekin' at Libra, the scales, and och, this one's a wee bit tender. The reading says ye might find yersel lookin' close at yer relationships — what's workin', what's no. Might mean some honest talkin' wi' a partner or a pal, and aye, that can be scunnersome, uncomfortable, but it's necessary, so it is. It's a good night tae think on what ye actually want and need fae the folk in yer life. Ye might need tae make some adjustments, set a wee boundary or two, get things back intae balance.
I've always liked that aboot Libra — they're no lookin' fur a fight, they're lookin' fur fairness. So if that's you the night, dinnae dodge the hard blether. Have it. Ye'll come oot the other side steadier, and yer connections'll be aw the stronger fur it. The scales dinnae lie, hen.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Away fae the stars and doon tae the earth fur this yin, and hen, I've been sittin' on this story aw week. Over in New Zealand, on the Purerua Peninsula, there was a wee conservation project releasin' pāteke — that's brown teal, one of the rarest ducks on this whole earth — back intae the wild. Twenty of them, released careful, watched close. And within a week, one turns up mangled.
Turns oot the culprit was a gray tabby cat — an ordinary-lookin' moggie, wi' distinctive markins, that the scientists nicknamed Nine Lives. And this cat, hen — it evaded capture fur THREE YEARS. Traps, cameras, night gear, the lot — nothin' worked, its movements were that erratic naebody could predict it. They released another twenty ducks in twenty twenty-four and it killed fifteen of them. Fifteen! I dinnae ken if that's a cryptid or just the maist competent cat that ever lived, but either way, I'm pure impressed and pure heartbroken aw at once.
[ALIEN] Oh, mate, that's not a cat, that's an APEX PREDATOR in a house-cat costume! Respect.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, from a killer cat to a KILLER piece of science, mate, and this one's a beauty! Scientists at King's College London have worked out how tae take keratin — that's the protein in SHEEP'S WOOL, the stuff farmers usually just chuck away — and turn it intae a material that helps REGROW BONE! Have a look at this little beauty of a discovery!
They tested it in a livin' animal, right, and the wool-based material actually guided new bone growth across the damaged bits, and the tissue that came back looked MORE like real healthy bone than what ye get from the current gold-standard stuff, which is collagen. Collagen's decent, but it's weak, it breaks doon too fast, and it's a right pain and a cost tae extract. Wool, on the other hand — cheap, renewable, and there's heaps of it just sittin' around bein' wasted! Crikey, nature really did hand us a fix and we've been throwin' it in a bin for decades, mate!
[NESSIE] There's somethin' pure poetic aboot that, so there is — a wee sheep helpin' mend a broken bone.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Right, the next yin fae the files is aw aboot light, and hen, it's stranger than it sounds. Researchers at Penn State have been experimentin' wi' what they call color-enriched white light — ordinary-lookin' light that's got wee "invisible" streaks of blue and red woven intae it. And they found it can actually change how HOT or COLD a room FEELS tae the folk sittin' in it. A warm room, under this light, felt over a degree Fahrenheit cooler tae the people inside — even though nothin' aboot the actual temperature had changed one bit.
They're buildin' on aulder studies where red light made a room feel warmer and blue light made it feel cooler, but naebody could just paint a whole office red or blue and call it a day. So they're tryin' tae sneak that same effect intae normal-lookin' white light, which — if it works at scale — could cut doon on heatin' and coolin' costs aw ower the place. Yer brain, hen, is bein' fooled by colour ye cannae even properly see. That's pure eerie tae me, in the best way.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] OH, we've got a good one the night, mates! Straight from Germany, spread clean across the WORLD now — it's the Doppelgänger! Doppelgänger literally means "double-goer" in German, and mate, that name does NOT undersell it! This little ripper is basically an EVIL TWIN — it goes struttin' round to your friends, your family, lookin' just like YOU, and they've got no idea it's not you!
Now here's the thing that gets me every time, right — most cryptids, ya can track 'em by footprints, by fur, by a bit of grainy dashcam footage. This fella? He's trackin' YOU. He's wearin' YOUR face. Nature's cleverest bit of camouflage isn't scales or feathers, mate, it's just... lookin' exactly like somebody else already trusts. Absolutely bonkers bit of folklore. Ten out of ten, would NOT want to meet mine.
[NESSIE] Ooft, that yin gives me the shivers, so it does — imagine yer ain gran no kennin' it's no you.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Now, hen, I went lookin' fur a haunted door tae open the night, and — well. It's no there. The address just isnae comin' through. The spirits are keepin' quiet on this one. Happens sometimes — no every ghost wants tae be found on a Friday. But dinnae fret, PBN After Dark will have a new haunted door fur ye the morra night. This yin's just... away, fur now.
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, up tae the skies now, mates, and BLIMEY, the instruments are goin' OFF the charts the night! We've got an unidentified craft, shape unknown — could be anythin', mate, and that's half the fun of it — spotted right over Indianapolis! Just hangin' there, silent, no explanation offered, none accepted!
And it's got me thinkin' aboot one of the wildest stories in the whole UFO files — back in the day, two scientists actually went and knocked on a door in Estonia chasin' rumours of secret Soviet UFO programs. Imagine that, mate — Cold War spies and unmarked craft and somebody just standin' there with a clipboard goin' "so, about them lights..." That's the kind of energy this Indianapolis sightin's got the night. No good explanation, no denial either, just somethin' unknown driftin' across the sky and every instrument I own goin' spare tryin' tae make sense of it. She's a BEAUTY of a mystery, mate, and I want more data!
🔍 tap to enlarge[ALIEN] Right, last stop before we tuck ya in, and it's a beauty tae LOOK at, mates! This is Terminal One at Hurghada International, the Red Sea Terminal down in Marsa Alam, Egypt! Massive place — ninety-two thousand six hundred square meters, three levels — but the thing that gets ya is the ceiling. It's this huge, flowin', wave-shaped roof, built tae echo the Red Sea itself and the desert all round it, and with all that glass on the walls, the whole thing looks like it's FLOATING above ya!
[NESSIE] Ooh, that's a bonnie thought — ye land in the middle of the desert, and there's the shape of the sea already waitin' above yer heid before ye've even stepped ootside. Like the buildin' kens where yer gaun before you do.
[ALIEN] Exactly, mate! It's a gateway tae Hurghada and all the resorts down the coast — El Gouna, Makadi Bay, the lot — and honestly, as far as strange and beautiful structures go, she's right up there. No ghost required, just good architecture doin' somethin' a wee bit uncanny.
🔍 tap to enlarge[NESSIE] Well, hen, that's every single segment we've got the night — the whole mad lineup, aw crammed in, and I'm no gonnae lie, I'm a wee bit dizzy wi' it aw. But it was pure dead brilliant sharin' it wi' ye.
[ALIEN] Too right, mate! We threw EVERYTHIN' at ya tonight and you took it like a champion! Good on ya for stickin' around for the whole ride!
[NESSIE] Away and get some sleep noo, aw ye wee lovelies. Watch fur double-goers, keep an eye on the skies, and we'll see ye the morra night wi' a brand new haunted door tae open. G'night, hen.
[ALIEN] Night night, mates! Catch ya on the next one!
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